The life and death of a stranger

So this post isn't about my family or close friends. More so about an acquaintance and his kids. My heart is breaking right now, for this particular family here in our town. Why? I'm not friends with them, I have never socialized with them, I only know Jay from the tattoo shop. Yes, he did one of the many I have. That was the beginning of a tragic end.

You see, Jay (the tattoo guy), my husband & I were talking while he was preparing to do a butterfly on the top of my foot, about family, kids...blah blah blah...He said he and his wife Victoria had 2 kids, a boy and a girl. They had been together for like 17 years, since she was 13 & he was 16. Nobody thought they would make it....He spoke with such love, such adoration, so much emotion....then he said his wife was dying from stage 4 lymphoma. She had went into remission, but it came back even stronger. They had been looking for bone marrow donors, but couldn't afford the transplant and he was praying for a miracle. OK, that in itself broke my heart. I couldn't even imagine how he felt.  At the same time, my Aunt was dying from breast cancer which had spread to her brain (which the brain cancer is what ultimately took her life in January 2009), but I couldn't compare the love of a spouse to the love for an Aunt ya know? But over the last year and a half, I'd run into Jay here and there, he was always so polite and friendly. Not long ago, around Christmas, I ran into him at Rite-Aid, we both went to the photo counter to pay for our purchases, he first. As he turned around, he looked tired, sad...troubled...he smiled and said "hi", I did the same back. Then, I asked how his wife was doing. The smile slowly faded to an almost quivering lip, he stated she wasn't doing good and the Dr. thought she only had a few months to live. I told him, "I'm so sorry" and felt a lump in my own throat bigger than Mount Shasta. Had he been a good friend, I would have given him a hug, just because he looked like he could really use one..But, I didn't..I just told him I'd keep his family in prayer and we went our separate ways.

Fast forward to last week. I normally go online daily and read our local newspaper every morning. So, without missing a beat, I signed on, went to the papers online paper, and on the front there was an article "Victoria coming home as cancer takes control"...immediately, I felt like I did that day at Rite-Aid...couldn't swallow my coffee and felt the urge to cry...Call me emotional, but this family really struck a cord with me! I read the article, apparently she had been in and out of different hospitals, but the Dr.'s said her  heart & lungs were filled with fluid and it was time to let her go home with hospice to help care for her. Again, my heart sank and I just really felt bad for this family.

So, a couple days ago, I did my usual morning routine after the kids got off to school. Elijah drank a bottle and fell asleep, I sat at my computer, checked my facebook, myspace, emails on both accounts....went back into my favorites and clicked on the newspaper. I immediately noticed one of the top stories "Victoria M. loses her battle with cancer"......My eyes welled with tears, I felt at that moment like I had lost someone I actually knew. A family member or close friend. I thought of Jay, the way he spoke of his wife, how much he loved her, about their kids...what they must be feeling or not feeling, most likely being in shock. I couldn't fathom (and thankful, in my own selfish way, didn't have to) the feelings this family must be going through. She was gone, took her last breath, which, I can only pray for her was pain free.  Honestly, even though I read the article, I looked for her obituary, to see when her service would be. There was nothing in the paper, of course not, it was too soon. Give it a day or 2...The next morning, I checked the obit section and there it was. May 17....the day she passed, just 7 days after her 34th birthday. I read the details on the service and felt the lump re-appear, this time even bigger. You see, 12 hours after she took her last breath, her father also passed away. I don't know the details, but because I am human, and humans after all assume....I assume he couldn't handle the thought of his daughter dying (after all, he was 83), maybe he had a heart attack, maybe he was sick...I don't know....but at that moment, reading the obit, a whole lot of emotions overcame me.

This family is not only suffering, grieving and missing a wife, mother, daughter...but a father in law, grandfather & husband. How sad, how tragic.....

Today, after picking up my high schooler, I had to run a few errands. As we went to the store, then the bank, we had to pass the church where the service for both daughter and father was being held. Two hearse, parked in front of the church, they were in the process of taking the second casket out. People surrounding both, hugging, crying, talking....It was that instant that I realized it wasn't just an article or sad story I read. It was real, it was sad, no, heart wrenching. We passed and I traveled on to pick up my little ones at school, tears streaming down my face, the road blurry, my oldest in her own thoughts and teary eyed as well.....

I parked in front of the school as usual, but this time, I slid the drivers seat back to where I could see my son, who in just 3 days will be 7 months. Such a big boy, smiling, laughing at the faces I was making at him...Just he and I, as Britt walked to the entrance to pick up her sisters and cousin....I thanked God for the gifts of my children and asked he allow me to see them fully grow up. To allow them the peace of not losing a parent at a young age and if it did happen that I were to go before they were grown, to please, let them know how much I loved them. To leave a legacy that when I spoke of my kids, how my face would light up, my voice would pour out the love I have for them and that it was never questioned how much I loved them. They are my life and I hope they always know it.

With all of that being said, just as Jay spoke of his wife, I just know she spoke of her children the same way....Just by the words I heard that December day, forever having ink embedded into my skin...that family radiated love for one another, in action, words and feelings. Rest in Peace Victoria and Frank (her daddy)...for not knowing you, you sure have left an impression on how love is supposed to be.....