10 Years.....

What a first to "blog" about....but it's sentimental to me! Today is the 10 year anniversary of when Danny and I first "went out"...It's actually funny because back then, I never imagined it leading us to where we are today. Not only is today our 10 year anniversary of being together, it is also our 7 year wedding anniversary. Yes, 7 years ago we "got hitched". Our lives have changed so much, can't complain at all.

The first years were the hardest, living with an drug addict is not an easy life. Financially it took its toll of course, but there was abuse beyond measure. Why I stayed, I honestly don't know. Partially scared to leave, Maybe the kids.. I had Brittany from a previous, he had D who lives with her mom & then "we" had Dominique prior to getting married and I was about 4 months pregnant with Mariah when we did get married. The drug use played the bigged part in the abuse. Domestic Violence is not something anyone should ever experience, but sadly, it does exist, it is real and it sucks! My story is not "A-typical" though. My story has a happy ending (so far), my marriage became stronger, I did not end up in the hospital or worse, the morgue. My husband broke his abusive behavior and has now been sober for almost 4 years!

How did my life go from abuse to loving? I finally had enough and left. After being married for only 3 years, I couldn't take it any longer, I took the girls, packed my van with a few clothes for the kids, grabbed what I needed and left my husband. I called my own mother who picked up the girls and took them to her house 300 or so miles away and believe me she was skeptical, so many times I said I was done, even sitting there with a black eye and consussion, only to take the monster back. But I didn't take him back (yet). After my mom took my girls, I was able to grab photo albums and the rest of our clothes, all the while He begged me to stay, he pleaded on the phone for me to come back, even with other females in my house...yes, he had numerous females staying there when I left, even answering my phone. Well, I guess since I left, it was no longer mine but you know it was...my material possessions were still there, though I'd never get them back! He hit rock bottom and everything went to the dealer, the skanks...(oops, did I really just say that?? lol) who filtered through what they wanted, could sale for a quick buck or trade for a little bit of dope. For awhile I let that bother me to the core, I felt violated once again, my possessions that I worked hard for, gone...but you know what? That was the best thing I could have done...not given a crap at that time and left the way I did. For Danny to hit rock bottom as quick as he did (2 months to the day of us leaving he was arrested!), he had no clue what day it was, he was spent, tweaked out...whatever you want to call it he was toast....but it was a HUGE blessing in disquise.

He joined a support group, took Anger Management classes and manned up! May 22 will be 4 years of sobriety, which I praise God for. Sure, we have our arguments, what couples don't? But, I can 100% honestly say, there is no more abuse. Not mental, emotional, physical...nothing....We separated for alittle over a year and had I not left, who knows where we'd be or how life would be going right now, but I can say I am so Thankful the Lord showed his faithfulness and guided me through the darkest storm of my life! He tore us down to build us up, to make us a husband and wife, father and mother. Not just the titles, anyone can say this is my wife...but to say it with pride and the love I see in his eyes today, I now know he truely loves me, as I do him (I'd have to, sheesh...to stay without love woulda been nuts!)...AS for the "father and mother" titles, those too can be a joke, so many say they are a father, but any male can be a sperm donor! Just as any female can be a surrogate! But to show your children what love is, to teach them, be there for them, give them stability and happiness, that is what parents are about, that is what we as a "family" are about.

You know, this is something I believe whole heartedly, having 3 of my own daughters that I love beyond measure and a step daughter who holds a very special place in my heart just as my own girls do, I longed for a son. Honestly, I wanted a son for a VERY long time. Having 6 miscarriages, I thought I could only carry girls, sounds silly, but I honestly believe those miscarriages were boys....Once we changed our lives, I became pregnant again, this time, we finally had our son. Elijah,"OUR" son, my boy... ahhh, what can I say? I am smitten to the core, in love and love being his mommy! Danny wanted a son to carry on his name, just as any man does. But through all the girls, the miscarriages, the BS, it wasn't until he changed...I honestly feel like not only is he a gift, he is our reward for doing good. I am getting older, our girls were 15, 11, 7 & 5 when I found out I was pregnant, and add 1 to their ages when he was born. That's a lot of years in between to start over, infact I pretty much was finished having anymore babies, after Mariah, they were supposed to tie my tubes and the Dr. office never sent the hospital the consent, then I just never went through with it....When they say things happen for a reason, I firmly believe it now!

Well, I am sure this post has been all over the place, it's been a LONG weekend, but a good one. I am alive, breathing, blessed with my kids, celebrating 10 years of being together and all the wonderful changes life has allowed us to go through. Would I recommend to another woman to stay in an abusive relationship? No way! No matter how much you love someone, they have to want to change, and only they can change themselves....as I said, my story is not "A-typical", I was a fortunate and lucky woman to have it work out the way it has. Would I do it all again? Well, yes and no....I would've left alot sooner! But yes, to be where we are today, to be able to share the love we have today in a positive manner, absolutely....I love you Danny, today, tomorrow and for eternity....At Last!