Giving thanks to Jesus!! Today is a great day!!

Just wanted to publicly give praise to God for letting today be a good day. I have faith I will continue this day without the horrendous facial pain I have been feeling non-stop for I don't even know how long! This scripture fits so well into how I am feeling today, so much that I literally feel the Holy Spirit with me, the warmth, the love, the caring and compassion from my father......Praise the Lord, oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is GOOD, for his mercy endures forever, who can utter the mighty acts of the LORD? Who can declare his praise? Psalms 106:1-2

It's not always, I admit outright, that I worship the way I should. It's not always I act like I should....but I do know the how's and whys of doing so in the Lord....Today is one of the days I just feel the need to be vocal, sing, worship, dance for our creator...to let Jesus know I love and appreciate his sacrifice, the pain I feel is nothing to what he had to endure and yet he did it for me...Praise you father......Thank you for your son, for your faithfulness, for your promise and your allowing me to be who I am and still love me regardless of anything I have ever done or ever will do!

May your day be full of God's blessings.......

Randomness....

Just sitting here on the computer while little man sleeps (have I mentioned lately how much I totally LOVE and ADORE him??.....Well, I do!!!)...But I'm just sitting here, looking outside at the beautiful sky. Partial clouds, breezy, the feeling of Fall in the air. I absolutely love Fall. Not the hot heat of summer, but not the cold of winter either. This is going to be a great season, I have my girls who are already talking about their upcoming birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas....and I have my son who will drive us nuts trying to take the ornaments off the tree, yet bring us that joy that is undescribable when he sees the lights of the holiday light up that same tree!  This year we will start teaching Elijah the meaning of Christmas, and the Holy Spirit will fill our home and as we celebrate this holy day (holi-day..get it?). Along with teaching all of our kids of the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of our Lord, we will also give them the childish joys of Santa. Santa will visit our home, bringing gifts to our blessings for being good through out the year. I do not find harm in letting them have the imagination of Santa, as long as they do understand we celebrate for Jesus...which, so far 3 of 4 (because he is so little) do understand. When asked why we celebrate Christmas, they will all tell you "it's Jesus' birthday"....and we always start our morning, before anything, saying a family prayer, and telling God thank you for his son, for the birth of the best gift of all! For without that gift, I don't even want to imagine how life would be. 

I have to "LOL" or laugh out loud as I type this out. My mind is racing, from one subject to another, not sure where I am going with any of this post...Hence the subject "Randomness"....hahaha....darn, today is one of those days, I have so much to do, but would rather be lazy and do nothing. However, it's one of those days that I HAVE to do a few things, man oh man, even Lijah boy is sleeping and being lazy....oh well, maybe tomorrow??

I look around our apartment, anxious....I am so ready to move into a house and know I have to be patient..what's that saying "good things come to those who wait?"....I'm waiting, I sure hope it's good...I am ready to have a normal size kitchen, an extra bathroom...oh boy, the bathroom alone would be amazing....lol....to take a bath without each one of the kids coming in because I've been in the bath too long...and of course, they need to use it....I'll be able to tell them to "go use the other bathroom"....to have an extra bedroom....Britt needs a room to call her own, well, kind of, Lijah will be with us for awhile, but when it's time to transition him into a big boy bed, he will probably share with sissy Nini (Brittany)....if she's still living here...she might leave at 18...or she might be with us til she's 30....I definately would not make her share with the messiness of Dominique or Mariah....OMG, love my kids, but these 2 are messy. EVERYDAY of their little lives, they've been told "put it away"...meaning whatever it was they were using or playing with, put it away when your done, or when you pull something out of your drawer and decide you don't want to wear it, put it back!!....that's almost 7 & 9 years of saying it....they still haven't gotten it....Sometimes, I seriously think they will grow up being like the people on the show "Hoarders"...dear God, please no.....I know I can't say much, if you ask my mom, she'll say my sister and I were the exact same way. I can honestly remember sharing a room with my sister and having to spend the entire day cleaning because we had it so messy, both Christy and I sitting there crying because we had no idea where to start in the ugliness of that mess. I can remember my mom yelling at us out of shear frustration....hmmm....the saying "you reap what you sow" comes to mind as I'm typing this out...not funny...Don't get me wrong, the picture above is not a constant or permanent way I allow them to live. Many times, they have priviliages taken away until their messes are cleaned up. It's up to them how long they want to go without TV, being able to play outside, color, play school....and I don't allow it more than 2 days....but I do understand that frustration my own mom expressed, I too can now say I understand....Well, the time has come to get off this computer and get things done....hey, dishes are all done, bottles soaking, laundry going...but I do need to dust, vacumm and run those errands....Ya know, I am so thankful for being able to come on and read old posts, especially when I am not having too good of a day....A few of them are gentle reminders of different stuff and I can always find the "one" post that changes my mood!  Until the next post, which will probably be later today (I'm just in one of those writing moods), have a blessed day!

Feels like forever.....

Wow, where do I even begin. It feels like forever since I've even jotted down anything other than a grocery list or "to-do" list. Life feels like it's just flying by, not even giving me a chance to catch my breath, let alone take anything in. My oldest Brittany just turned 17....next stop, adulthood. I wonder constantly what her life will be like, so far, she has been a great kid, no drugs, alcohol, nothing like I was. THANK GOD!!  But I wonder if I've done "enough"....Have I taught her enough to sustain herself as an adult or if anything ever happend to me? Enough to live, enough to be strong....just ENOUGH.....I look at my younger kids, Dominique turning 9, Mariah 7...my baby girls, they are growing so fast and all of them are such blessings! My little man, about to turn 1 in just 3 weeks. Now that is enough to make me cry! It's so bittersweet watching this little gift from God. Never did I think I would have my son, never did I realize how much I wanted a son and never did I feel more blessed than I do having a son.  I look at him, his handsome little face, his gorgeous blue eyes, the blond spikey hair....I just love everything about his little man. The chubby little feet, the silly games he likes to play, the big space between his top 2 teeth.....I could go on and on and on....I wish I could hold time still and go back 17 years...9 years....7 years and stay where we are now....to have all my babies still be babies....just past the up at night stage, but still small enough to see the wonder and amazement on their little faces when they see something new and interesting or the excitement when they hear my voice....I love these kids so much, you know, that "so much" feeling when you loose your breath and you can feel it in the pit of your stomach? Yah, that much!

I'm still going through some medical issues, waiting for the neurologist to get me in. Honestly, I am scared to death. Almost a year ago, I had several cat scans and an MRI with contrast, they thought I had either an aneurysm or a brain tumor because I had what they called "a blown pupil", my right eye was bugged out and droopy (look up horners syndrome, that's what I looked like, but that was ruled out as well)...I had no blue round my right eye at all, it was black and one huge pupil! I spent 3 days in the hospital with a team of 8 doctors and not one could figure out what was wrong with me after the above mentioned  was ruled out. I just wish they would say "ok ....blah blah blah...is what you have and this is the plan to manage the pain".....everything is on the right side of my head, the eye pressure and head pain is not a normal migraine or headache, it feels like I have an ice pick stabbing the crap out of the pupil from behind. The side of my nose is pretty much numb and goes up my cheek. My nose is so stuffy and hurts so bad it's ridiculous.  I've been on so many medicines it's sickening. I don't want to be on meds, not if they don't know what's wrong. What if they are giving me crap that is doing more harm than good? I've been on dilantin to relax the nerves, neurontin, vicoden, percocet, oxycotin.....now I'm just taking ibuprofen because I don't want the narcotics. I don't think they understand I can not take those meds, I need to be coherent & able to take care of my kids. I am not a drug addict who has to have them....I will deal with the pain when I have to and if it gets to bad, then I will go to the ER (usually the pain is worse when it's time to go to bed, that's why I say ER). I can only pray and hope that whatever is going on is not terminal. I am so terrified.......My Aunt passed from a brain tumor, my other Aunt (her sister) passed from what started as breast cancer and spread to the brain.....I've been dealing with this pain off and on for almost 6 years, but the last year it doesn't seem to want to go away....(the pupil incident was just last year, but it still gets a bit larger than the left side at times).  They have said it was everything from migraines to facial nerve damage. Who knows, but I do hope the Dr. can get me in real soon!

Well, the computer seems to want to keep freezing so I am going to end and take it as a sign that it's time to go to sleep..... I will update more later....sweet dreams and good night.....God bless!