Life, death & judging....

The last couple weeks, I have to admit, I have obsessed and prayed they would find 4 year old Juliani Cardenas alive. His mothers ex-boyfriend (who she is 8 months pregnant by), ripped him out of his grandmothers arms Jan. 18 and took him, yes, kidnapped him. A farm worker came forward the next day and said he saw a car matching the suspects vehicle go into the canal the night before (about 45 min after he took Juliani)...Dive crews and sherriffs officials searched the canal off and on for 10 days, pulling out many cars, all proving to be stolen, until they found "the" car they were looking for. When they pulled it out, there wasn't anyone inside, however the windows were down. Sadly, yesterday, February 1, 2011, an irrigation worker, 31 miles from where the farm worker said he saw the car go into the canal and where the little boy was kidnapped, found the body of a 4 year old boy matching the description of Juliani, wearing the same clothing and shoes as he was. They are doing DNA testing for obvious reasons (being in water 2 weeks).

Hearing this news, my heart mourns for the mother, who is pretty much due any day. The news showed a paramedic parked in the driveway of her home, "just in case" she went into labor because of the stress. What should be a joyous time, a time to celebrate, will now be a time to mourn and miss her son. I am kind of OCD. Meaning If I am interested in something, or something catches my attention, I will surf the web and read all I can about it til nothing new surfaces. As I said from the beginning, I have obsessed over Juliani, praying they would be able to find him and bring him home. One site I found, sadly, mentioned Jose's abusive behaviors and drug addictions. Many people were giving there opinions and expressing their condolences and such. I know everyone has their own opinions, everyone is entitled to their own, that is what makes us unique. I understand much more than the average person because I have been on both sides of the fence per say...You see, I have been on the side to say "how in the hell can you allow someone to control you" or "how can you be so stupid to allow him to treat you that way".....or, even "I would neverrrrrrrr"....come on, bull shit...straight out....UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN IN THEIR SITUATION, DO. NOT. JUDGE!!! I have been on the other side of the fence myself after being one to try to judge, the Lord allowed me to see a not so pretty sight. Not only did I start to use drugs (and am proud to say I have 8 years clean), but I also have been in a volitile relationship. Black eyes, concussions, lots of domestic violence. Once you get "sucked in" it is not something that is easy to get out of. They come back and are remorseful, telling you "sorry", being "nice" and then the cycle starts all over again....You "fall" for the "nice" person....and wish "evil" on the bad. Before you know it, years have passed and you are one of the ones being judged. You are one that everyone looks at and shakes their heads at, you are one that people talk behind your back about. You are one that people whisper about "that's the one who likes to be beat, I mean if she didn't why wouldn't she leave"....Like I said, I've been on both sides, I'm not talking out of my ass.....This brings me back to Tabitha Cardenas....the mother of Juliani Cardenas, many people have expressed how she allowed the monster Jose (her ex boyfriend) to be in her life, I mean, she is pregnant with his daughter, she allowed him around her son....she got what she deserved....How heartless can someone be to even say that.....I guess someone who has lived a perfect life and someone who has only lived on one side of the fence....the side where the grass is always greener right? I've expressed in a prior post how my story is not typical, if your interested, you can go read it, I can't give false hope that they will change, but I thank the Lord that my husband did change. When the story broke about Juliani being found, I thought about how many times that could have been us with anyone of our kids.....just a few years ago.....Thank you Jesus for giving your life, for dying on the cross to give us salvation and cleansing us of our sins....You know, yes, I call Jose a monster, I think he is...but at the same time, I feel bad for him. I can only hope his eternal resting spot is comfy...I can not judge him in that way, that is only for the creator to do....I feel for his family, who I am sure never imagined this happening. He leaves beind family and friends who mourn him for his good side also. He also leaves an unborn daughter, who no matter what act her father has done, or what his criminal record has on it, it is still her father. Her flesh and blood. She will always wonder who he was, what he was like, would he have changed, could she have changed him, would she have been "daddy's girl".....Even Tabitha herself, mourning her own flesh, her precious son Juliani, she will mourn for the "good" Jose. The Jose that she fell in love with. The Jose she created her daughter with. She will think about the good times, which will quickly fade into bitterness, but she will think about him.

So, next time you think of judging someone, try to think "what if it was you"....In the matter of an instant your life can change drastically, sometimes, it's a birth, sometimes it's a death, sometimes it's meeting someone....it's a split second chance or fate that changes your life forever.....I can say my grass had weeds on both sides of the fence.....I have removed that fence because I have lived on both sides.......

Moving on.....

Wow, it's been awhile since I've shared anything. I don't even know where to begin. Actually, I should be unpacking all these boxes sitting in my new kitchen, but eh, that can wait, they aren't going anywhere, neither am I....Let's see, Well, obviously, "unpacking" yes, we have finally moved....for 4 years we have lived in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment. It was hard, but we did it, as the girls got older, having only 1 bathroom really became a challenge, luckily, their bedroom was rather larger so the 3 of them fit, with the exception of the mess from the 2 little ones....Then, our sweet Lijah boy came along...with. all. his. toys.....trucks, cars, balls....and we outgrew our apartment....the ever so tiny kitchen became the devils den when it was time to cook. Momma became the angry evil witch just stepping into the kitchen. I mean seriously, I could touch the stove with one had and reach across and touch the sink, and even stick out my pudgy and stubby leg and touch the kitchen table or fridge.....it was that. small! I despised stepping foot in there and everyone knew it. Dinner time became a battle ground, the weekends became a battle ground. I began using the crockpot more and more just so I wouldn't have to stand in there and cook. Not to mention, the stove was unbalanced and not matter how many times we balanced it, it leaned back and well....I am not even going there....we are done with that disgusting, yucky apartment!! Yay!! Now we have a nice house, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (2 toilets...OMG where have they been all my life???)....lol....a 2 car garage with get this....our very own washer and dryer, no more paying to wash our clothes, yeeeehawwww!!!! Hahaha....my kitchen is atleast 3-4 times bigger, there is no way even if I was 6 feet tall I could touch the sink and my kitchen table or fridge at the same time (laughing out loud for real!).....Brittany finally has her own room, we told her Elijah would share a room with her, but no, it was just to "get at her". Didn't work, she didn't care one bit, as long as she doesn't have to share with Dominique or Mariah! She even said Deanna can share with her when she comes to visit! Wow, impressive! She will let her brother sleep in there on the weekends or when there is no school (score for us! Mommy gets to sleep!!)....Nique and Riah will be learning a hard lesson I do believe, they are pack rats. I threatend to put only their mattresses on the floor, no more, no less. No TV, no cable, nothing else....if they don't keep their room cleaned...we've been here 4 days and it's a joke already...Danny thought I complained to much at the apartment, that is until he moved us.....he finally admitted to me that he now understands my frustrations and can see how I can cry over the mess. It was absolutely ridiculous, disgusting and gross....constant keeping up on them didn't seem to matter. I am open for suggestions and advice from anyone who has been through this....please!! lol......As for our bedroom....O.M.G...glorious......we have sooo much more room! Walk in closet, I have a cute little built in vanity to put my perfumes out and actually display them (Ed Hardy, Oui, Dolce & Gabana..you know, the expensive stuff you aren't embarrassed to show!).....we have so much room now it looks empty. The kids say it looks like a hotel room....hmmm....Guess I need to decorate it and make it look homey...All of us are looking forward to entertaining our friends, the girls have already asked when they can have their friends over for sleepovers, parties and whatnots....we are looking forward to bbq's with family and friends. Just to see the smiles on our babies faces when we are together is wonderful. They are happy as well to be out of there. Even the baby, he is full of squeals and squawks, as he runs down the hall knocking on each door. We have been blessed beyond anything I could ever have imagined, this kinda "fell" into our laps and I thank our Father for his gift of a much wanted prayer answered!!

I have something else I wish to write about, but I think I am going to separate the posts. So for now I am going to end this post and start my next. It is tugging at my heart and I need to get it out before time escapes me and before I know it the kids are due home....Be blessed!!