Life, death & judging....

The last couple weeks, I have to admit, I have obsessed and prayed they would find 4 year old Juliani Cardenas alive. His mothers ex-boyfriend (who she is 8 months pregnant by), ripped him out of his grandmothers arms Jan. 18 and took him, yes, kidnapped him. A farm worker came forward the next day and said he saw a car matching the suspects vehicle go into the canal the night before (about 45 min after he took Juliani)...Dive crews and sherriffs officials searched the canal off and on for 10 days, pulling out many cars, all proving to be stolen, until they found "the" car they were looking for. When they pulled it out, there wasn't anyone inside, however the windows were down. Sadly, yesterday, February 1, 2011, an irrigation worker, 31 miles from where the farm worker said he saw the car go into the canal and where the little boy was kidnapped, found the body of a 4 year old boy matching the description of Juliani, wearing the same clothing and shoes as he was. They are doing DNA testing for obvious reasons (being in water 2 weeks).

Hearing this news, my heart mourns for the mother, who is pretty much due any day. The news showed a paramedic parked in the driveway of her home, "just in case" she went into labor because of the stress. What should be a joyous time, a time to celebrate, will now be a time to mourn and miss her son. I am kind of OCD. Meaning If I am interested in something, or something catches my attention, I will surf the web and read all I can about it til nothing new surfaces. As I said from the beginning, I have obsessed over Juliani, praying they would be able to find him and bring him home. One site I found, sadly, mentioned Jose's abusive behaviors and drug addictions. Many people were giving there opinions and expressing their condolences and such. I know everyone has their own opinions, everyone is entitled to their own, that is what makes us unique. I understand much more than the average person because I have been on both sides of the fence per say...You see, I have been on the side to say "how in the hell can you allow someone to control you" or "how can you be so stupid to allow him to treat you that way".....or, even "I would neverrrrrrrr"....come on, bull shit...straight out....UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN IN THEIR SITUATION, DO. NOT. JUDGE!!! I have been on the other side of the fence myself after being one to try to judge, the Lord allowed me to see a not so pretty sight. Not only did I start to use drugs (and am proud to say I have 8 years clean), but I also have been in a volitile relationship. Black eyes, concussions, lots of domestic violence. Once you get "sucked in" it is not something that is easy to get out of. They come back and are remorseful, telling you "sorry", being "nice" and then the cycle starts all over again....You "fall" for the "nice" person....and wish "evil" on the bad. Before you know it, years have passed and you are one of the ones being judged. You are one that everyone looks at and shakes their heads at, you are one that people talk behind your back about. You are one that people whisper about "that's the one who likes to be beat, I mean if she didn't why wouldn't she leave"....Like I said, I've been on both sides, I'm not talking out of my ass.....This brings me back to Tabitha Cardenas....the mother of Juliani Cardenas, many people have expressed how she allowed the monster Jose (her ex boyfriend) to be in her life, I mean, she is pregnant with his daughter, she allowed him around her son....she got what she deserved....How heartless can someone be to even say that.....I guess someone who has lived a perfect life and someone who has only lived on one side of the fence....the side where the grass is always greener right? I've expressed in a prior post how my story is not typical, if your interested, you can go read it, I can't give false hope that they will change, but I thank the Lord that my husband did change. When the story broke about Juliani being found, I thought about how many times that could have been us with anyone of our kids.....just a few years ago.....Thank you Jesus for giving your life, for dying on the cross to give us salvation and cleansing us of our sins....You know, yes, I call Jose a monster, I think he is...but at the same time, I feel bad for him. I can only hope his eternal resting spot is comfy...I can not judge him in that way, that is only for the creator to do....I feel for his family, who I am sure never imagined this happening. He leaves beind family and friends who mourn him for his good side also. He also leaves an unborn daughter, who no matter what act her father has done, or what his criminal record has on it, it is still her father. Her flesh and blood. She will always wonder who he was, what he was like, would he have changed, could she have changed him, would she have been "daddy's girl".....Even Tabitha herself, mourning her own flesh, her precious son Juliani, she will mourn for the "good" Jose. The Jose that she fell in love with. The Jose she created her daughter with. She will think about the good times, which will quickly fade into bitterness, but she will think about him.

So, next time you think of judging someone, try to think "what if it was you"....In the matter of an instant your life can change drastically, sometimes, it's a birth, sometimes it's a death, sometimes it's meeting someone....it's a split second chance or fate that changes your life forever.....I can say my grass had weeds on both sides of the fence.....I have removed that fence because I have lived on both sides.......